The importance of watching your language during all types of human interaction can’t be emphasized enough. (FROM the Ryzio BLOG, Creating a Culture of Trust: https://ryzio.com/leadership/leaders-edge-requirements-build-culture-trust/) Learn to remove “trigger” words from your conversations. There are certain words that make a conversation turn into a nightmare, or at least an unproductive encounter. Learning to steer clear of them will work magic in having meaningful, productive conversations.
• You. The word “you” naturally makes the other person feel blamed and become defensive. Try beginning the conversation with something like: “I need, I notice, I would like, It would be helpful if, etc.” This puts the conversation in a positive light and invites discussion.
• Always. The worst is “You always…” two conversation stoppers together. As we said, “you” creates defensiveness and makes the other person think of the one time when that wasn’t true, instead of focusing on the issue at hand.
• Never. This follows “always” for the same reason. It is a distraction. Just talk about your experience and ask for what you want clearly and in a non-blaming way.
• But. We often say something like, “It’s true that you did what you said…but…” and we proceed to tell the person the negative thing we want them to change. The use of “but” negates the positive thing we were trying to convey. Give positive feedback in a genuine way that can be heard. Then, make your point without discounting the positive.
• Slow down. This might be the most important of all: Regardless of what is said, slow down, pause, take a breath (or several) and listen. We all want to be heard, feel heard, know we are heard more than almost anything.